Sports and sex
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Sex, sports and one remarkable penis

By Steve Korver Thursday, December 10, 2015 - 18:35
Olympian sex … Professional penis wrestling … ‘Gatorade for lovers’ … Female athletes have performance-enhancing orgasms … These news flashes and more in this week’s Sex in the Press.

The sex life of sports

Sex can have something athletic about it.

Athletes do come across as a viral lot. Certainly, inter-athlete sex seems to be skyrocketing if we are to believe ‘A brief history of sex at the Olympics’. For example, the number of condoms distributed to Olympians during the Games jumped from 8,000 in 1988 to 150,000 in 2012.

And why is it that whenever you search for ‘sex’ in Google News, one of the first hits is always a story about an American high school sports coach who is going to jail for sexual assault?

And why does the new sports stadium in Qatar look like a vagina?

And why do some Malaysian politicians think casual sports attire can lead to sex?

So many questions, so few answers.

But we can safely say that sex and sports share links.

Penis wrestling

Pro wrestler defeats opponent with the power of his amazing penis’ is a testament to athletic prowess. It’s also a good example of “once you see it, you can’t un-see it”.

“Things were pretty normal, by pro wrestling standards, until Danshoku Dino angrily grabbed Joey Ryan's penis. And even though pro wrestling is inherently homoerotic, this is still a weird move. But what was weirder was that had played right into Joey Ryan's hand. Because Joey Ryan's penis does things that our penises do not.”

Namely, Ryan used his ding-dong to flip Dino down hard to the mat.

But in an interview on Vice Sports, Ryan makes references to “comedy” and “brainstorming” with his opponent before the match. Could this mean it was all faked?

Luckily, we know that’s poppycock.

The post-sex elixir

“Regardless of how much effort actually goes into it, sex feels like a workout. This is not because sex is actually physically taxing: For an average-sized guy, sex only burns – brace yourselves – a paltry 21 calories per average six-minute session according to a 2013 study in the New England Journal of Medicine. When it comes to stamina and turn around time, electrolytes aren’t the problem. Hormones are,” according to ‘Engineering the perfect after-sex sports drink’.

The largest challenge in making the ultimate “Gatorade for lovers” is to keep the man awake after orgasm. He’s drowning in the sleep-inducing hormone prolactin and needs to be amped up with the sex-accelerating hormone dopamine (which is also linked to drug addiction). He needs chocolate!

Then add some stimulants. But instead of caffeine, which gives you unsexy shakes, use natural energy boosters such as gingko, ginseng, and B12.

Pour in some sugar for sweetness. Throw in some red dye to make it look all hot and sexy.

Toss it back, as you would a wrestler to the mat.

Performance-enhancing orgasms

“The belief that ‘fooling around’ before a sports event can kill an athlete's chances of winning has been around for centuries. It stretches as far back as 444 B.C when philosopher Plato counseled Olympic competitors to avoid sexual intimacy before the big event,” according to ‘Sex, sports and celibacy: Does doing the nasty really do an athlete in?’.

But on a physiological level, no proven link has ever been made between holding in your semen and, for example, how hard you can flip your competitor.

For every Mohammed Ali who abstained for sex for six weeks before a fight, there’s a George Best, the Irish footballer famous for such quotes as “I used to go missing a lot – Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World!” and “I gave up alcohol and women in 1969, it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.”

In fact it might not be about sex at all. “It's not the sex that wrecks these guys, it's staying up all night looking for it,” says one sports manager.

But for women it might be different.

“We believe that a woman gets better results in sports competition after orgasm. Generally, it's true of high jumpers and runners. The more orgasms, the more chances of winning a medal,” says Israeli physician Alexander Olshanietzky.

“Coaches generally tell their athletes to abstain before competition. In the case of women, that’s the wrong advice.”

 

How athletic are you? Share your experiences. Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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