Auntyji says, ‘Dibakar puttar, you cannot control your fantasies but you can control your actions, haina? Chalo let’s talk about both!’ 

So far so healthy 

Good to know that you are in a 'satisfying' sexual relationship with your partner. That is step one for good sexual health. I am guessing that she feels the same too. If yes, that is the second sign of being in a healthy sexual relationship.

But the third and most important sign of a healthy sexual relationship is that it's mutually satisfying and pleasurable for the two of you. And fun in bed makes for a good life. 

Fantasies are normal

Now let’s come to your fantasies. Fantasies are good. Not just good, they are great. They help us keep things fresh. And as your Uncle ji says, it’s the healthiest way to spice up things. Anyone who says that he or she has never done that is clearly lying through his/her teeth. 

It's not a bad thing to fantasize about anyone. Fantasies also have various roles to play. Some people fantasize to feel aroused, feel motivated for sex and for some indulge in fantasies because it helps them to get orgasms during sex. 

We do not have control over the thoughts and fantasies that come into our minds. But what is important here is – do we act on them? 

Yes or no?

You might think of someone else once in a while. Maybe even more than just once in a while. Or let’s say you have other, different kinds of fantasies. But it seems like you don’t act on them. At least not so far.

Let’s say if you wanted to act on them. Here’s what you need to consider. 

First thing, who do you want to act them out with? If you want to try some of your fantasies with your own partner, you need to have her will and consent. For that you will have to talk to her and see whether she likes your ideas and wants to act on them. If she doesn’t then your fantasy ought to remain a fantasy. You should not force your partner for anything. If she hesitates or says no, then it means no. 

Now, if you want to try out your fantasies with other women, who are not in a relationship with you and do not consent to it, it will be just harassment. And let’s say, you find other women who wish to give it a go, what about your committed relationship in that case?

Would your partner be ok with you wanting to try out fantasies with others? So there’s much to consider and not a lot of it has easy or straight answers.

So if you ask me, the situation is this – fantasies usually work well as fantasies. 

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. This article was first published on March 20, 2012. 

Have questions? Please ask Love Matters (LM) experts on our discussion forum. Don't forget to check out our Facebook  page.